Real reveals how men can unearth their pain, heal themselves, restore relationships, and break the legacy of abuse. This groundbreaking book is the “pathway out of darkness” that these men and their families seek. A revolutionary and hopeful look at depression as a silent epidemic in men that manifests as workaholism, rage, difficulty with intimacy, alcoholism, and abusive behavior by the cofounder of Harvard’s Gender Research Project.
Twenty years of experience treating men and their families has convinced psychotherapist Terrence Real that depression is a silent epidemic in men—that men hide their condition from family, friends, and themselves to avoid the stigma of depression’s “un-manliness. Problems that we think of as typically male—difficulty with intimacy, abusive behavior, workaholism, alcoholism, and rage—are really attempts to escape depression.
And these escape attempts only hurt the people men love and pass their condition on to their children. He mixes penetrating analysis with compelling tales of his patients and even his own experiences with depression as the son of a violent, depressed father and the father of two young sons.
How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women
Filled with powerful stories of the couples Real treats, no other relationship book is as straight talking or compelling in its innovative approach to healing wounds and reconnecting partners with a new strength and understanding. What happened to the passion we started with? Why aren't we as close as we used to be?"PROBLEM: If you are a woman who is unfulfilled in your marriage.
. If you feel unheard or overburdened. If you quietly live in a state of slow-burn resentment. Problem: if you are a man unhappy that your partner seems so unhappy with you. If you feel bewildered, unappreciated, or betrayed. This book offers a solutionbestselling author and nationally renowned therapist Terrence Real unearths the causes of communication blocks between men and women in this groundbreaking work.
Relationships are in trouble; the demand for intimacy today must be met with new skills, and Real -- drawing on his pioneering work on male depression -- gives both men and women those skills, empowering women and connecting men, radically reversing the attitudes and emotional stumbling blocks of the patriarchal culture in which we were raised.
The New Rules of Marriage
Using his experience helping thousands of couples shift from despair to profound emotional closeness, Real guides you through the process of relationship repair with exercises that you can do alone or with your partner. With this program you’ll discover how to - identify and articulate your wants and needs - listen well and respond generously - set limits, and stand up for yourself - embrace and appreciate what you have - know when to seek outside helpThe New Rules of Marriage will introduce you to a radically new kind of relationship, one based on the idea that every woman has the power to transform her marriage, given the right support, while men, have it in them to rise to the occasion.
We have never wanted so much from our relationships as we do today. He identifies five non-starters to avoid and shares practical strategies for bringing honesty, passion, and joy back to even the most difficult relationship. They don’t know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up.
Enter the good news: in this revolutionary book, Real shows women how to master the new rules of twenty-first-century marriage by offering them a set of effective tools with which they can create the truly intimate relationship that they desire and deserve. More than any other generation, we yearn for our mates to be lifelong friends and lovers.
The new rules of marriage shows us how to fulfill this courageous and uncompromising new vision. In his extraordinary new book, distinguished therapist and bestselling author, Terrence Real, presents a long overdue message that women need to hear: You aren’t crazy–you’re right! Women have changed in the last twenty-five years–they have become powerful, self-confident, independent, and happy.
Yet many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached.
Mistakes Were Made but Not by Me: Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
Reading it, and—if we’re honest—ourselves, our loved ones, we recognize the behavior of our leaders, and some of the more perplexing mysteries of human nature begin to seem a little clearer. Francine prose, O, The Oprah Magazine. Backed by years of research, mistakes were made But Not by Me offers a fascinating explanation of self-justification—how it works, the damage it can cause, and how we can overcome it.
A revelatory study of how lovers, doctors, lawyers, politicians—and all of us—pull the wool over our own eyes . Mistakes were made—but not in this book!” —daniel gilbert, author of stumbling on happiness Why is it so hard to say “I made a mistake”—and really believe it? When we make mistakes, or mistreat other people, cling to outdated attitudes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth.
. And so, immoral, restoring our belief that we are smart, unconsciously, moral, and right—a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, and wrong. Entertaining, illuminating and—when you recognize yourself in the stories it tells—mortifying.
Wall street journal“Every page sparkles with sharp insight and keen observation. This updated edition features new examples and concludes with an extended discussion of how we can live with dissonance, eventually, learn from it, and perhaps, forgive ourselves.
Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy
A lifelong learner, he attacked the problem as an engineer would: examining all the provable facts and scrupulously applying logic. He shows us how to view life through a clear lens, teaching us how to dispel the illusions that cloud our thinking; overcome the brain’s blind spots; and embrace five ultimate truths.
Thirteen years later, Mo’s algorithm would be put to the ultimate test. After the sudden death of his son, Ali, Mo and his family turned to his equation—and it saved them from despair. In solve for happy mo questions some of the most fundamental aspects of our existence, shares the underlying reasons for suffering, and plots out a step-by-step process for achieving lifelong happiness and enduring contentment.
. In dealing with the horrible loss, mo found his mission: he would pull off the type of “moonshot” goal that he and his colleagues were always aiming for—he would share his equation with the world and help as many people as possible become happier. No matter what obstacles we face, what trials we’ve experienced, what burdens we bear, we can all be content with our present situation and optimistic about the future.
Eventually, his countless hours of research and science proved successful, and he discovered the equation for permanent happiness. In this “powerful personal story woven with a rich analysis of what we all seek” Sergey Brin, Mo Gawdat, cofounder of Google, Chief Business Officer at Google’s X, applies his superior logic and problem solving skills to understand how the brain processes joy and sadness—and then he solves for happy.
In 2001 mo gawdat realized that despite his incredible success, he was desperately unhappy.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
This magnificent novel juxtaposes geographically distant places, brilliant and playful reflections, and a variety of styles, to take its place as perhaps the major achievement of one of the world’s truly great writers . In the unbearable lightness of being, milan kundera tells the story of a young woman in love with a man torn between his love for her and his incorrigible womanizing and one of his mistresses and her humbly faithful lover.
Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn't Teach You and Medication Can't Give You
Relying on these methods to make it through each day, we deprive ourselves of true recovery, of deep joy and healthy emotion. We already know how to "do" depression-and we can learn how to undo it. Undoing depression teaches us how to replace depressive patterns with a new and more effective set of skills.
Like heart disease, says psychotherapist Richard O'Connor, depression is fueled by complex and interrelated factors: genetic, biochemical, environmental. We learn how to hide it, how to work around it. Unwittingly we get good at depression. In this refreshingly sensible book, O'Connor focuses on an additional factor often overlooked: our own habits.
. We may even achieve great things, but with constant struggle rather than satisfaction. With a truly holistic approach that synthesizes the best of the many schools of thought about this painful disease, O'Connor offers new hope-and new life-for sufferers of depression.
Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion
This landmark book" san francisco chronicle dispels the common myths about the causes and uses of anger -- for example, that expressing anger is always good for you, that suppressing anger is always unhealthy, or that women have special "anger problems" that men do not. Dr. Fully revised and updated, anger: the misunderstood emotion now includes: * A new consideration of biological politics: Should testosterone or PMS excuse rotten tempers or aggressive actions? * The five conditions under which anger is likely to be effective -- and when it's not.
Carol tavris expertly examines every facet of that fascinating emotion -- from genetics to stress to the rage for justice. Strategies for solving specific anger problems -- chronic anger, anger after divorce or victimization, repeated family battles, dealing with difficult people, and aggressive children.
A Man's Way through Relationships: Learning to Love and Be Loved
Every idea is presented through the lens of the “Man Rules”—the often unconscious ideas men carry with them into every relationship they have—that affect their ability to find true connection. A man’s way through relationships offers practical advice and inspiration for men to define, their own sense of masculinity, with their partners, and thus heighten their potential to love and be loved.
Dan griffin excerpts interviews with men who share their innermost lives and experiences with relationships. Readers will learn to recognize how their ideas about masculinity have shaped who they are and how they approach their relationships“For every man who has wandered through the entanglements of love, and secretly hoping for a guide, unwilling to ask for directions, Dan Griffin offers a clear and comprehensive road map.
. For any man serious about love and any woman who loves him, this book is a must. Terrence real, author of i don’t want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. An essential guide to the challenges men face in creating healthy and engaged relationships in all areas of their lives.
He draws from his own life with over two decades of recovery and ten years of marriage.
Gifts From A Challenging Childhood: Creating A Practice for Becoming Your Healthiest Self
When i was four and a half years old, I found my mother passed-out on her bedroom floor. On one of the many days she was away, i remember sitting in the backseat of our car with my older brother as my father drove us to the store, when suddenly our car collided head-on with another vehicle. That experience set the stage for a lifelong interest in the impacts of childhood trauma.
In these pages, author jan bergstrom describes with empathy and clarity the exact emotional, and learn to have your own back• gather and use resources to help you heal from childhood trauma ”In Gifts from a Challenging Childhood, you will: • Learn and adopt 5 Core Practices for healthy living• Cultivate a framework for your functional adult Self• Gain clarity about your family-of-origin history• Reparent your historically hurt places• Speak your truth, intellectual and neurological ways that children’s brains respond to trauma, and how the impact of that experience endures in the child’s life throughout adulthood.
Bergstrom explains how our basic needs as children for love, when these needs are not met in childhood, validation and expression must be met by our parents; and how, protection, we can end up with one-up or one-down self-esteem and over-protective or under-protective boundaries as adults. In-depth descriptions of supportive, therapeutic techniques abound in this book, from mindfulness to grounding to writing a letter to yourself.
Whether you experienced traumatic neglect or excessive control and enmeshment at the hands of your parents, it will also provide you with validating, this book will not only help you identify what went wrong for you, supportive and compassionate ways to reparent yourself. Jonice webb, phdbestselling author of running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect and Running On Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships.
Jan's book is a precious guide to untangling the complications and difficulties many of us have in our adult lives, arising from traumatic childhoods.
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction
Dr. Maté presents addiction not as a discrete phenomenon confined to an unfortunate or weak-willed few, and neurological development, emotional, rather the result of a complex interplay among personal history, brain chemistry, but as a continuum that runs throughout and perhaps underpins our society; not a medical "condition" distinct from the lives it affects, and the drugs and behaviors of addiction.
The mix of personal stories—including the author’s candid discussion of his own "high-status" addictive tendencies—and science with positive solutions makes the book equally useful for lay readers and professionals. Simplifying a wide array of brain and addiction research findings from around the globe, the book avoids glib self-help remedies, instead promoting a thorough and compassionate self-understanding as the first key to healing and wellness.
In the realm of hungry ghosts argues persuasively against contemporary health, social, and criminal justice policies toward addiction and those impacted by it. Based on gabor maté’s two decades of experience as a medical doctor and his groundbreaking work with the severely addicted on Vancouver’s skid row, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts radically reenvisions this much misunderstood field by taking a holistic approach.